Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
