I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Come on in and take your pants off
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