I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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