btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Im part way to drunk.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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