Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Randomize
