There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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