You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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