Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
the day after is always just damage control
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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