I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
