Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
