i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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