you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
