went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
