no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
