I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
