he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
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