i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
