and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
