hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
