The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
i think i just lost a toe
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
