Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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