Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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