smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Randomize
