I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Well I just put wine in my tea
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
