margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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