Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
