So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
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