That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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