my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
