Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
