My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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