Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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