This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
