Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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