remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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