I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
