The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
