When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
