Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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