I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
