So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
