I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
