the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
