Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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