Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
