im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
