I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i wish my penis had a tongue
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
