You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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