We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
