Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Randomize
