Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
