If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Vodka?
Forever.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
