do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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